Here's a fun piece of trivia for you to pull out when the party conversation gets dull: Who campaigned for Senior Class President of Faribault Senior High in 1993? Ronda, that's who. My campaign manager was an off-beat theater/band guy named Pete who never quite fit into any of the typical high school social categories and was widely appreciated in the student body. He dressed in all black for his campaign speech and, in a magnificent imitation of Hannibal Lector, threatened to eat people's livers if they didn't vote for me.
Ah Pete, whatever happened to you?
My speech, slightly less colorful or frightening, was more of an anti-campaign speech, which are typically full of idle promises about what one would accomplish during their term if elected. I pretty much told the student body what I WOULDN'T be doing. (Ronda-ry, Ronda-ry, quite contrary.)
All that to say this: in the following blog, I am NOT saying that I don't like your kids, or even kids and babies in general. I am NOT saying that. Clear enough?
When I was in my twenties, I thought that my peers were pretty darn baby crazy.
I had nooooo idea what was awaiting me in my thirties.
Baby rabies. Women, foaming at the mouth, at the mere mention, sight (or most likely, smell) of a baby.
It's gonna be a long decade.
Most of you know that Steve and I don't have and don't want kids. We're what's known as "childfree", or "CF". (Baby rabid women may have another name for us, bwaha!) Some people use the term "childless", which infers some sort of loss .. whereas "childfree" resounds as more of a choice.
We knew we were going to be CF when we married almost 10 years ago. We heard a lot of "you'll change your minds" and "you've got plenty of time" and "never say never" during the first few years of our marriage. Other than that, however, there wasn't a lot of pressure to reproduce. We married young, before many of our friends, and no one had really started having kids yet.
Now, however, most of our friends have or intend to have children in the near future. And that's fine. We love our friends and we want them to make choices in their lives that make them happy. We would never dream of trying to convince them to NOT have kids. Well, okay ... maybe a little daydream here or there ..... kidding!
So that's not the issue. And no one is really pressuring us to have kids at this point, either, so that's also not the issue. (I probably spoke too soon: I'm 31 now and some might say I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME!)
Anyway. Baby rabies. That's the issue. The disease that drives baby-obsessed women completely out of their once fully-functioning minds.
I was at a "girl's night out" earlier this week, hosted by a dear friend and attended by a bunch of women I'd never met before. Nice ladies, all very friendly to me .. until they started talking about their children. "Do you have kids?" a gal asked me a few minutes into the conversation. "No", I answered with a smile. "I'm sorry", she said, and turned back to the other ladies.
She's sorry that I don't have kids? She's sorry because she thinks I can't have kids? She's sorry that she can no longer relate to me and that I'm not worthy of her attention? Huh?
I expect that conversations will hover around topics known to most participants. The stories that followed about feeding dramas and never wearing necklaces/earrings/black shirts around two-year-olds .. well, those were to be expected. It was when the conversation turned to a woman whose "maternal urges are RAGING" that I realized these women were not just mommies, but infected with baby rabies.
She and her husband (let's call him, oh, Bob) have been married three years and have started "discussions" about a baby. Another woman notes that Bob seems to be avoiding her at church .. and is it because he's afraid she's going to try to convince him to have a baby? Titters of laughter circle the room. The woman assures her friend that she's "not imaging things .. Bob really IS avoiding you - and in fact, anyone who will bring up the issue!" Titters of laughter turn into gales, and the conversation quickly degenerates into how he'll change his mind (and how to change his mind), reminders to each other not to stop in for unexpected visits and jokes of "we'll know what you're up to if you don't answer the phone" ... I left the room before I heard if anyone actually encouraged this gal to "oops" her husband.
Does no one even care that Bob might need a little time and space to sort out how he feels about this intensely personal issue? Does Bob's wife ask her friends or family to back off a bit so he doesn't feel like a cornered animal? Forget giving him more time: Is it even a blip on people's radar that Bob might not even WANT a baby?
GAAACKCKCK!
Tonight, I was at a bridal shower. Each torn ribbon symbolized a potential BABY! Each little piece of lingerie was going to ignite the passion to MAKE A BABY! There was even a gift enclosed in a pink bucket with a picture of a baby on it! What the .. aren't we at a WEDDING shower?!? I found myself chanting a calming mantra under my breath, "first comes love, then comes marriage, THEN comes a baby .."
Steve has it easy. Sure, his friends are my friends, and they're all having babies. But men don't obsess the way women do. Men can relax and have fun and tell jokes and play games while women .. sit around with the kids. Or talk about the kids. Completely lose themselves in the kids. Ladies: I'm gonna go chill with the men if you don't give me a break once in a while. (Well, even then, I still might have to play tom-boy for a bit.) Here, use my sleeve: wipe the foam from around your mouth, take a few deep breaths and remember that even though I love you (and your off-spring) unconditionally, I also loved you PRE-BABY.
End of rant.
Oh, and incidentally .. I beat my high school opponent and silenced his rabid fans, who found it appropriate to write "bitch" on my campaign posters. Ahhhh. One of only three distinct memories I have of serving as my Class President. The other two I'll save for another day.
Ah Pete, whatever happened to you?
My speech, slightly less colorful or frightening, was more of an anti-campaign speech, which are typically full of idle promises about what one would accomplish during their term if elected. I pretty much told the student body what I WOULDN'T be doing. (Ronda-ry, Ronda-ry, quite contrary.)
All that to say this: in the following blog, I am NOT saying that I don't like your kids, or even kids and babies in general. I am NOT saying that. Clear enough?
When I was in my twenties, I thought that my peers were pretty darn baby crazy.
I had nooooo idea what was awaiting me in my thirties.
Baby rabies. Women, foaming at the mouth, at the mere mention, sight (or most likely, smell) of a baby.
It's gonna be a long decade.
Most of you know that Steve and I don't have and don't want kids. We're what's known as "childfree", or "CF". (Baby rabid women may have another name for us, bwaha!) Some people use the term "childless", which infers some sort of loss .. whereas "childfree" resounds as more of a choice.
We knew we were going to be CF when we married almost 10 years ago. We heard a lot of "you'll change your minds" and "you've got plenty of time" and "never say never" during the first few years of our marriage. Other than that, however, there wasn't a lot of pressure to reproduce. We married young, before many of our friends, and no one had really started having kids yet.
Now, however, most of our friends have or intend to have children in the near future. And that's fine. We love our friends and we want them to make choices in their lives that make them happy. We would never dream of trying to convince them to NOT have kids. Well, okay ... maybe a little daydream here or there ..... kidding!
So that's not the issue. And no one is really pressuring us to have kids at this point, either, so that's also not the issue. (I probably spoke too soon: I'm 31 now and some might say I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME!)
Anyway. Baby rabies. That's the issue. The disease that drives baby-obsessed women completely out of their once fully-functioning minds.
I was at a "girl's night out" earlier this week, hosted by a dear friend and attended by a bunch of women I'd never met before. Nice ladies, all very friendly to me .. until they started talking about their children. "Do you have kids?" a gal asked me a few minutes into the conversation. "No", I answered with a smile. "I'm sorry", she said, and turned back to the other ladies.
She's sorry that I don't have kids? She's sorry because she thinks I can't have kids? She's sorry that she can no longer relate to me and that I'm not worthy of her attention? Huh?
I expect that conversations will hover around topics known to most participants. The stories that followed about feeding dramas and never wearing necklaces/earrings/black shirts around two-year-olds .. well, those were to be expected. It was when the conversation turned to a woman whose "maternal urges are RAGING" that I realized these women were not just mommies, but infected with baby rabies.
She and her husband (let's call him, oh, Bob) have been married three years and have started "discussions" about a baby. Another woman notes that Bob seems to be avoiding her at church .. and is it because he's afraid she's going to try to convince him to have a baby? Titters of laughter circle the room. The woman assures her friend that she's "not imaging things .. Bob really IS avoiding you - and in fact, anyone who will bring up the issue!" Titters of laughter turn into gales, and the conversation quickly degenerates into how he'll change his mind (and how to change his mind), reminders to each other not to stop in for unexpected visits and jokes of "we'll know what you're up to if you don't answer the phone" ... I left the room before I heard if anyone actually encouraged this gal to "oops" her husband.
Does no one even care that Bob might need a little time and space to sort out how he feels about this intensely personal issue? Does Bob's wife ask her friends or family to back off a bit so he doesn't feel like a cornered animal? Forget giving him more time: Is it even a blip on people's radar that Bob might not even WANT a baby?
GAAACKCKCK!
Tonight, I was at a bridal shower. Each torn ribbon symbolized a potential BABY! Each little piece of lingerie was going to ignite the passion to MAKE A BABY! There was even a gift enclosed in a pink bucket with a picture of a baby on it! What the .. aren't we at a WEDDING shower?!? I found myself chanting a calming mantra under my breath, "first comes love, then comes marriage, THEN comes a baby .."
Steve has it easy. Sure, his friends are my friends, and they're all having babies. But men don't obsess the way women do. Men can relax and have fun and tell jokes and play games while women .. sit around with the kids. Or talk about the kids. Completely lose themselves in the kids. Ladies: I'm gonna go chill with the men if you don't give me a break once in a while. (Well, even then, I still might have to play tom-boy for a bit.) Here, use my sleeve: wipe the foam from around your mouth, take a few deep breaths and remember that even though I love you (and your off-spring) unconditionally, I also loved you PRE-BABY.
End of rant.
Oh, and incidentally .. I beat my high school opponent and silenced his rabid fans, who found it appropriate to write "bitch" on my campaign posters. Ahhhh. One of only three distinct memories I have of serving as my Class President. The other two I'll save for another day.
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