Saturday, February 09, 2013

I Am What I Am

For a short time after high school, I was a server in a restaurant. It taught me two important lessons: how to appreciate servers, and how I hope to never again be one. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was once a server. So, I'm puzzled by my own reluctance to admit to anyone that I'm currently a secretary. There shouldn't be any embarrassment associated with this work - it's important, necessary, and I have the opportunity to positively support and impact a great number of people on any given day.

Maybe, once I can say that I was a secretary, and not that I am a secretary, the shame will disappear. There's nothing wrong with being a secretary ... but there must be something wrong with me being a secretary, because being one for this length of time has been unsettling to my soul. It is not who I am meant to be. That is a not a judgment on the profession or those who choose it and excel at it - it is a judgment on myself, and how long I have been willing to settle for safety and comfort, and how long I have shied away from challenge and dream-chasing and sacrifice and the unknown.

I want to be one of those people who proudly proclaims "I'm a ________". Someone who feels connected to her work; someone whose career identity is in line with her values, talents, and passions.

I want to be a zookeeper, and I will be so excited and proud to tell people when I am one.

That's a few years away, but I'm already proud of the steps I've taken over the last 18 months to get the plan in motion. I'm excited to know that in just 8 weeks, the plan will be accelerated. And, the more I talk to people about my future, the more at ease I feel in my soul.

I think it's about living life genuinely, and not feeling like a fraud. I think that's where the current shame comes from.

I can't wait.


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