So I've finished my second math class, and I'll be receiving the grade that I worked so hard for: a big, fat juicy "A". Feels good.
It's funny how people want to make you feel bad about your success. I sat at a table with guys who - jokingly (or was it?) - would call me a bitch when I got my tests back with few or no errors. Hey, if I was actually being a bitch and flaunting my grade, they'd be right. They'd list a million excuses for why they scored poorly, or didn't finish their homework, or didn't understand the material. Like I asked.
Last Tuesday, I left the final at the same time as another gal in my class - a mom who works full-time and was taking another class. She was ecstatic to have found out that, prior to the final, she had a "B-" in the class. She asked me what my grade was. How do you sugarcoat that you're getting an "A"? And why should you have to? I left out the part where my average going into the final was actually over 100%.
"But you're naturally smart at math," she protested. I didn't want to disagree, even though I do, because, why? To make her feel bad that she worked hard and got her grade, and I worked hard and got mine? I struggled over my math homework. The second the material got more difficult, my brain would turn off. I don't think that's really the sign of a mathy brain. And I've never once had a math instructor tell me I'm naturally gifted at math, and I think they'd know. The truth of the matter is, I deserved my grade. I did my homework. I turned in every extra credit problem. I studied for every test, and prepared like crazy for the mid-term and final. So I let her think that I'm naturally smart at math, because that makes her feel better, and it doesn't really change anything. But it was a weird predicament to feel like I wanted to prove that I wasn't so smart, and I worked hard too .. but to also feel like pointing that out might, in fact, make me the bitch that I was accused of being.
I have a co-worker who is recently married, has 3 kids, and is taking two courses. He calls me a wimp for only taking one course. He says I have "no excuse", because I don't have kids.
No, I don't have kids. No, my attention wasn't divided over multiple courses. But yes, I do work full-time. And yes, my husband has had a knee injury which has required me to drive him around to consultations, surgery, appointments and physical therapy for the last 5 weeks, which means I have been thrust into the role of sole errand runner and the "not naturally smart at caregiving" caregiver as well.
I told my co-worker that some people thrive on stress and chaos. I am not one of them. I know my limits, and I want to enjoy my one life, and I choose to include or exclude things in a manner that benefits me. I've waited a long time to go back to school, and I'm paying for it, so I'm going to do what it takes to get the most out of my classes and to be successful in them.
I'm not denying that the odds are in my favor. But that's how I've stacked my deck, and that's how they've stacked theirs. I admire the courage of those adults who are back in school while working full-time and raising kids, and I don't quite know how they manage it. Good on them!
Next term, I'm taking a break from math. Originally I was going to take a complete break from school because we didn't know what the demands of Steve's injury/recovery would be. Now we know he will probably drive sooner than 6 weeks from now, which was the initial projection. And even if it takes that long, his physical therapy appointments will be at 7 am, which doesn't interfere with my work schedule or school schedule. I'm going to take some sort of computer literacy course and a health and physical education course (unless I find out that my dance courses from the University of Oregon from a hundred years ago will transfer), both of which are required credits for my degree. That should involve one night of reporting to a lecture, with the rest of the work being done on my own time.
And I intend to work hard, and I expect that my hard work will be rewarded, and I will feel good about my success because I'll have earned it and have waited a long time for it! And I never want to have to feel apologetic about it, despite the fact that that's what others appear to want.
So even if no one else thinks it, I do: good on me.
It's funny how people want to make you feel bad about your success. I sat at a table with guys who - jokingly (or was it?) - would call me a bitch when I got my tests back with few or no errors. Hey, if I was actually being a bitch and flaunting my grade, they'd be right. They'd list a million excuses for why they scored poorly, or didn't finish their homework, or didn't understand the material. Like I asked.
Last Tuesday, I left the final at the same time as another gal in my class - a mom who works full-time and was taking another class. She was ecstatic to have found out that, prior to the final, she had a "B-" in the class. She asked me what my grade was. How do you sugarcoat that you're getting an "A"? And why should you have to? I left out the part where my average going into the final was actually over 100%.
"But you're naturally smart at math," she protested. I didn't want to disagree, even though I do, because, why? To make her feel bad that she worked hard and got her grade, and I worked hard and got mine? I struggled over my math homework. The second the material got more difficult, my brain would turn off. I don't think that's really the sign of a mathy brain. And I've never once had a math instructor tell me I'm naturally gifted at math, and I think they'd know. The truth of the matter is, I deserved my grade. I did my homework. I turned in every extra credit problem. I studied for every test, and prepared like crazy for the mid-term and final. So I let her think that I'm naturally smart at math, because that makes her feel better, and it doesn't really change anything. But it was a weird predicament to feel like I wanted to prove that I wasn't so smart, and I worked hard too .. but to also feel like pointing that out might, in fact, make me the bitch that I was accused of being.
I have a co-worker who is recently married, has 3 kids, and is taking two courses. He calls me a wimp for only taking one course. He says I have "no excuse", because I don't have kids.
No, I don't have kids. No, my attention wasn't divided over multiple courses. But yes, I do work full-time. And yes, my husband has had a knee injury which has required me to drive him around to consultations, surgery, appointments and physical therapy for the last 5 weeks, which means I have been thrust into the role of sole errand runner and the "not naturally smart at caregiving" caregiver as well.
I told my co-worker that some people thrive on stress and chaos. I am not one of them. I know my limits, and I want to enjoy my one life, and I choose to include or exclude things in a manner that benefits me. I've waited a long time to go back to school, and I'm paying for it, so I'm going to do what it takes to get the most out of my classes and to be successful in them.
I'm not denying that the odds are in my favor. But that's how I've stacked my deck, and that's how they've stacked theirs. I admire the courage of those adults who are back in school while working full-time and raising kids, and I don't quite know how they manage it. Good on them!
Next term, I'm taking a break from math. Originally I was going to take a complete break from school because we didn't know what the demands of Steve's injury/recovery would be. Now we know he will probably drive sooner than 6 weeks from now, which was the initial projection. And even if it takes that long, his physical therapy appointments will be at 7 am, which doesn't interfere with my work schedule or school schedule. I'm going to take some sort of computer literacy course and a health and physical education course (unless I find out that my dance courses from the University of Oregon from a hundred years ago will transfer), both of which are required credits for my degree. That should involve one night of reporting to a lecture, with the rest of the work being done on my own time.
And I intend to work hard, and I expect that my hard work will be rewarded, and I will feel good about my success because I'll have earned it and have waited a long time for it! And I never want to have to feel apologetic about it, despite the fact that that's what others appear to want.
So even if no one else thinks it, I do: good on me.
3 comments:
Excellent job Ronda! Screw what everyone else thinks. One of your better qualities (in my book anyway) is that you call it how it is! I LOVE THAT!!!!! You know I (Mike) am much more out spoken than I should be, my mouth gets me into trouble more than the average person. But like you, I have my "beliefs" and I stick up for them and vocalize them more than I should.
I'm proud of your A! As you should be! You earned it.
I'm glad to see Steve is doing good too, thats awesome. But, he's and idiot and never calls, so F him :)
Love you guys!
Hi Ronda,
Just wanted you to know that I also read your blog, even if I don't comment on it. I love hearing your thoughts about your life experiences! Congratulations on your A's--I agree, you deserve them. I'm glad to hear you are taking another class right away. Also glad to hear Steve is doing better. God is good.
Love. Mom
Way to go Ronda! I think it is awesome that you worked hard and got the grade you worked for.
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