I talked to an expectant mother, the wife of one of Steve's teammates, at his softball game tonight. This will be their second child. Their first is a 21-month-old boy that she spent much of the game chasing after. She only has 8 weeks left in her pregnancy. They haven't found out the baby's gender yet, and intend for it to be a surprise. I found this incredibly refreshing. I think that once we become adults, there are very few genuine surprises in life. Hearing "it's a girl!" or "it's a boy!" at the moment a baby enters the world seems to me one of the utmost wonderful surprises a person could ever experience. My new-found respect for this couple was quickly shattered, however, when I asked if they allowed their son to be a surprise, as well. Her reply, "No", was not in and of itself upsetting, but rather their reason for finding out.
Her husband needed to know the gender the first time because, if they weren't having a boy, he needed time. To prepare himself. For the huge disappointment a girl would have been.
Now that he has his boy, he couldn't care less what the next child is.
He has his little "mini-me". The precious offspring to carry on his beloved family name. The boy who will fulfill all of the dreams that his stupid, inept father couldn't in his lifetime. The boy that I secretly hope grows up to study ballet rather than baseball, who turns out to be gay and produces no grandchildren for this SOB.
Yes, I'm angry. No, it doesn't affect me personally. But it astounds and enrages me that we live in the USA in the year 2007 and people STILL place so much more value on boys than girls. This is neither a time nor culture in which I would expect people to abort their baby girls until they produce a first-born male ... until I hear garbage like this.
No, I didn't spit judgment and venom out on this unsuspecting new acquaintance. I couldn't just let the conversation die at that, however. "My husband needed time. To prepare himself if it wasn't a boy." Gah!!! The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Me: What would he have done if it WAS a girl?
Her: Oh, I don't know! Tee hee!
Me: Are girls so bad? YOU'RE a girl! He seems to like you well enough to, well, you know ... (wink, wink)
Her: To be honest, I'm terrified of raising a girl!
Me: Why?? Remember, YOU'RE a girl? Are girls soooo bad?
Her: Well, once I turned 13 (blah blah blah ...)
Me: They're all terrible when they're 13. My perspective is different, I suppose, because my brother presented some unique parenting challenges that my sister and I did not. (blah blah blah ...)
What's really ridiculous is that I've had a similar conversation with almost every one of my girlfriends. About how they would be happy with either gender, but if forced to choose they would choose a boy. It makes me sad - and yes, mad - that these women, consciously or not, abhor parts of their femininity so much that they do not want to pass it on. It infuriates me that women choose to have kids with men who childishly and selfishly cling to the notion that "boys are better than girls".
Steve has a female co-worker who married a fellow cop a year ago. They were not planning on having children. His father recently passed away, however, and this has changed his perspective. He now wants to have children. She still does not. It seems that, in order to save her marriage, she may soon cave. That is an intensely personal decision to make and a position that I do not envy. But here is where I take exception and yes, place judgment: he has told her, in all seriousness, "I don't want to have children. I just want to have a son."
Words escape me. All I can think is that in his grief, he is reflecting on how much he loved his father. And now he wants to produce someone who will love him with the same intensity (and he in return). Ultimately, he wants to guarantee that his son will grieve as bitterly at his funeral as he did at his own father's.
If I never see either of these men again, it will be too soon.
Chances are, dear reader, that you think I'm taking this all just a little too far. That's okay. I can practically guarantee that I think you don't go far enough. Maybe someday, once I've cooled down and you're feeling brave, we can try to meet halfway.
Her husband needed to know the gender the first time because, if they weren't having a boy, he needed time. To prepare himself. For the huge disappointment a girl would have been.
Now that he has his boy, he couldn't care less what the next child is.
He has his little "mini-me". The precious offspring to carry on his beloved family name. The boy who will fulfill all of the dreams that his stupid, inept father couldn't in his lifetime. The boy that I secretly hope grows up to study ballet rather than baseball, who turns out to be gay and produces no grandchildren for this SOB.
Yes, I'm angry. No, it doesn't affect me personally. But it astounds and enrages me that we live in the USA in the year 2007 and people STILL place so much more value on boys than girls. This is neither a time nor culture in which I would expect people to abort their baby girls until they produce a first-born male ... until I hear garbage like this.
No, I didn't spit judgment and venom out on this unsuspecting new acquaintance. I couldn't just let the conversation die at that, however. "My husband needed time. To prepare himself if it wasn't a boy." Gah!!! The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Me: What would he have done if it WAS a girl?
Her: Oh, I don't know! Tee hee!
Me: Are girls so bad? YOU'RE a girl! He seems to like you well enough to, well, you know ... (wink, wink)
Her: To be honest, I'm terrified of raising a girl!
Me: Why?? Remember, YOU'RE a girl? Are girls soooo bad?
Her: Well, once I turned 13 (blah blah blah ...)
Me: They're all terrible when they're 13. My perspective is different, I suppose, because my brother presented some unique parenting challenges that my sister and I did not. (blah blah blah ...)
What's really ridiculous is that I've had a similar conversation with almost every one of my girlfriends. About how they would be happy with either gender, but if forced to choose they would choose a boy. It makes me sad - and yes, mad - that these women, consciously or not, abhor parts of their femininity so much that they do not want to pass it on. It infuriates me that women choose to have kids with men who childishly and selfishly cling to the notion that "boys are better than girls".
Steve has a female co-worker who married a fellow cop a year ago. They were not planning on having children. His father recently passed away, however, and this has changed his perspective. He now wants to have children. She still does not. It seems that, in order to save her marriage, she may soon cave. That is an intensely personal decision to make and a position that I do not envy. But here is where I take exception and yes, place judgment: he has told her, in all seriousness, "I don't want to have children. I just want to have a son."
Words escape me. All I can think is that in his grief, he is reflecting on how much he loved his father. And now he wants to produce someone who will love him with the same intensity (and he in return). Ultimately, he wants to guarantee that his son will grieve as bitterly at his funeral as he did at his own father's.
If I never see either of these men again, it will be too soon.
Chances are, dear reader, that you think I'm taking this all just a little too far. That's okay. I can practically guarantee that I think you don't go far enough. Maybe someday, once I've cooled down and you're feeling brave, we can try to meet halfway.
2 comments:
Ronda, I love you. If it weren't for Crystal, and that slug you call a husband now, I'd go after you with both barrels.
Your outlook on life is so incredibly refreshing, I can't get enough of it.
I share you're feelings on this, and am glad I have neither of those idiots outlooks on children. You know we have the cutest boy in the world already (ok, ok, its just in our eyes but still), and am truly hoping for a girl this time around. For personal reasons? No, just because I think it would be neat to have one of each. Will we stop there? Who knows. My little brother had a little girl many years ago, and he made mention that he wanted a little boy, and someone told him "anybody can have a son, it takes a man to knock their b*lls off", crude as it is, I think its true. Raising a girl will be harder on a guy than a gal. Us dads will have a hard time when they start dating, cause we were that little boy once, and we know what we were looking for, personally, I think it will be fun to scare the socks off the boys that come to see her...then again, I have a small evil streak in me :)
Ronda, if I could reach you, I would hug you!
Guys like that make me want to thump them right between the eyes.
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