I'm willing to bet that I think about babies more than any other childfree woman out there.
I'd love to claim that my obsession is due to the fact that I think often of the wonderful women in my life who recently had or will be having a baby (which IS true) .. but that only explains it in part. The other reason is a man named Jerry.
I belong to an email list called The Childfree List (because it's nice to know we're not the only ones out there). Today, a woman wrote a message asking for advice: she and her decidedly CF boyfriend are talking of marriage; she has seesawed about having children but is feeling the pressure to make a decision. In her own words:
"My boyfriend has pointed out that many divorces are a result of one person wanting children when the other does not. He's asked me to decide whether or not I want children before we decide about getting married, since it would seem pointless to get married if I want children .. and we get divorced in a few years because of that."
Jerry Steinberg, the "Founding Non-Father of NO KIDDING!" (the international social club for childless and childfree couples and singles), gave her the following advice.
"People often ask me for help in deciding whether they should have children, and the best advice I have come up with so far is this:
"At least 20 times a day for at least a week, ask yourself, 'How would having a child change what I am doing right now?' Ask it when you wake up, when you eat, when you talk on the phone, when you read the newspaper, when you exercise, when you go to the bathroom, when you relax, when you go to bed, etc., etc.
"Then determine whether most of the changes would be welcomed or resented."
This is not the first time I've heard Jerry give this advice, and I certainly didn't hear it before resolving the "kids/no kids" debate in my heart and mind. But I find myself asking it 20 times a day - at least! - anyway. The answer? A predictable "resentment". Or more accurately, "relief". Relief, when I think about how painting my fireplace would have taken even longer than 5 hours if I had children. Relief, when I can put my cats in the garage for the night so I can get a good night's sleep. Relief, when I think about bedwetting and hear about school violence and see girls' fashion and worry about the effects of overpopulation on the environment ..
I think this is a fascinating exercise even if someone is absolutely positively convinced that babies are in their future. Though it may not change their minds, it might help prepare parents-to-be for some of the demands and changes they will be facing.
What do you think?
I'd love to claim that my obsession is due to the fact that I think often of the wonderful women in my life who recently had or will be having a baby (which IS true) .. but that only explains it in part. The other reason is a man named Jerry.
I belong to an email list called The Childfree List (because it's nice to know we're not the only ones out there). Today, a woman wrote a message asking for advice: she and her decidedly CF boyfriend are talking of marriage; she has seesawed about having children but is feeling the pressure to make a decision. In her own words:
"My boyfriend has pointed out that many divorces are a result of one person wanting children when the other does not. He's asked me to decide whether or not I want children before we decide about getting married, since it would seem pointless to get married if I want children .. and we get divorced in a few years because of that."
Jerry Steinberg, the "Founding Non-Father of NO KIDDING!" (the international social club for childless and childfree couples and singles), gave her the following advice.
"People often ask me for help in deciding whether they should have children, and the best advice I have come up with so far is this:
"At least 20 times a day for at least a week, ask yourself, 'How would having a child change what I am doing right now?' Ask it when you wake up, when you eat, when you talk on the phone, when you read the newspaper, when you exercise, when you go to the bathroom, when you relax, when you go to bed, etc., etc.
"Then determine whether most of the changes would be welcomed or resented."
This is not the first time I've heard Jerry give this advice, and I certainly didn't hear it before resolving the "kids/no kids" debate in my heart and mind. But I find myself asking it 20 times a day - at least! - anyway. The answer? A predictable "resentment". Or more accurately, "relief". Relief, when I think about how painting my fireplace would have taken even longer than 5 hours if I had children. Relief, when I can put my cats in the garage for the night so I can get a good night's sleep. Relief, when I think about bedwetting and hear about school violence and see girls' fashion and worry about the effects of overpopulation on the environment ..
I think this is a fascinating exercise even if someone is absolutely positively convinced that babies are in their future. Though it may not change their minds, it might help prepare parents-to-be for some of the demands and changes they will be facing.
What do you think?
